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Manduh Sue

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[02 Feb 2004|12:52pm]
New Journal
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onpursedlips
1 Suicide note along with Butterfly Kisses

[26 Jan 2004|12:27am]
[ mood | morose ]

It's almost as if I enjoy letting people who frankly just don't give a damn about me into my life. People who want to use me and reek to me to my full advantage points.

I'm starting to second guess everything,
from my existance
to my knowledge
to my goals.

What exactly am I waiting for? Each day I know I'm procrastinating on something whether it be exercising to catching up with old friends to what am I supposed be striving for in my life.

But instead I just go over to Brandons house and get stoned.
What the fuck is wrong with me.
I lost so much motivation.. but I discovered so much more than I had expected to in one year opposed to the next four years of my life.

I want to make my thoughts a reality...
So much work.. so much work.

We are all taught that the world is in black and white. All I see is grey.

2 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

[25 Jan 2004|08:36pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

Stole from Torie

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Moderate
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Moderate
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Low

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --







Holy shit.. I always wondered what sorta personality disorder I had and man, this test nailed it. No ones perfect but wow o.o

Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.

I unno bout taking advantage.. or maybe I do?
Wow o.o
1 Suicide note along with Butterfly Kisses

Shes automatic [24 Jan 2004|05:09pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Not much to say
Shits been okay lately.

Been dreaming about someone in particular..
All little signs point to WRONG WAY, DANGER, DO NOT ENTER, DEER CROSSING

but I'm too damn.. attracted.
Why am I so curious?
You're so new

Butterfly Kisses

Weeee [21 Jan 2004|01:11pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

How obvious?
Apparently I'm about to start my period.
Last night ALL I wanted to do was grab a male and go do the hibbity bibbity in a house of mirrors.

This morning I felt depressed and didn't want to see anyone
Watched animal planet
and cried my little eyes out to a baby cheetah getting consumed by a hyena and the mother was all ....no:(

Ohhh bears are so cute!! :(
I want one!
How cool would it be to own a wild animal? All you'd have to do is get a permit and like a billion dollars and a habitat for like a tiger or something.

AWWW THEY MADE A ZOO FOR THE BEAR!!
HOW PRECIOUS!!
AWWWWWW IM GONNA CRY AGAIN!!!
::WAILS!!!::


I'm unstable

ROASTBEEF!!!

4 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

[19 Jan 2004|12:33pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Phoneo phone phone phhhonnneee
No I'm not on it, I just always start off journal entries with something gay :(

Yeaaah, yesterday was a lot better than Saturday night.
My mother wanted me to keep entertained that 11 year old.
I really really dislike that girl >: (
She's so damn creepy, she only says I don't know and Whatever.
NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. She sat at my kitchen table and stared into oblivion for like 2 hours and I even told her she could go watch tv and her reply was "I DON'T KNOW!!" yeah o.o creepy.

Sooo my mother gave us money to go see a movie. I picked Along Came Polly. And you know, for as pissed as I was. Jennifer Aniston ALWAYS makes me feel like there is a lighter side to everything. And like I was all happy n stuff.

When I gotz home I talked to z wonderful Maegan baby :o) whom always makes me feel good when I'm down because she's amazing, sweet, kind to animals and downright all around wonderful lady. I love that girl :o) but z phone rang and my caller i.d didn't pick it up and wooo it was Brandon asking if I wanted to smoke.

Well I said I didn't know, I might have plans and then Kat wanted to talk to me so yeah. She asked if I was mad and I said Yeah of course I was and we talked it out a bit which was kinda useless. I knew better than to argue with her because.. Kats stubborn. Maybe I was being paranoid about her setting me up for Georgie but whatever, when it comes down to it, everything else that just suddenly occurred to me was true. Whatever though, that's just who she is. I keep that in mind and just try not to tread too close.

We went and smoked,
Kat had moved in with him,
Came home and slept for a bit but was woken up by horrible stomach pains. I can't stand not being able to sleep at night :o( I have to like puke and take a REALLY hot shower. Just kinda lay in it.. and then I'm so dizzy when I come out that I can sleep for an hour or two.
Baaa :o(
Oh well <3<3<3<3's

2 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

Oh bonder the ways I part thee in half [17 Jan 2004|06:42pm]
[ mood | blah ]

How lost am I?
Answer on the bottom.

I'm not in the best of moods at z moment. Blahhhh.. too much going on in muh head. I wanted to do something wif R&R n' Sarah cakes but plans were spoiled by this 10 year old that's staying with us for the next couple of days.

Mother wants me to keep her company
This girl creeps me out x.x

Yeeeaaahhh, anyyywaaayyyy! Due to the fact that my crushes NEVER work I've decided to just.. lay looowwwww. Whateverrrr, I don'ts needs anyone >:( just wait though, my love life will blossom! Like that show only.. a lot cooler.

I miss muh old skool friends :o(
Lately all I've been seeing have been Kat and Brandon and I'm always around them but I don't think I've ever felt more alone. It's not their fault however, It's just me.

Ahhh I need medication.

Extremely

1 Suicide note along with Butterfly Kisses

[16 Jan 2004|06:33am]
[ mood | irate ]

Weeeeee
Stomach virus aho!
It hurts like hell but 'ey. Things could be worse, right? At least I'm not the twinkie kid or something.
Hung out with Kat and Brandon
Ever see a couple in school that makes out so much that you wish a giant grizzly bear would come out and just.. consume them? :D

Hmm oh well, It just reminds me that I'm alone!! :o(
But I do however dig someone
But that's a secret.

3 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

Hooray! [12 Jan 2004|06:47am]
[ mood | flirty ]

I'm cold,
My tummy hurts,
I lack juice,
I'm tired,
I'm broke..

But I'm feeling great. <3<3<3<3<3<3:D

2 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

Waaah [10 Jan 2004|04:53pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

What's there to say, LJ?
Yesterday was pretty average,
My mother and I went off to school in the morning to take me out. I had to go back and get signatures though but when I did I met up with Kat which was coooooooo. We like kinda skipped her 2nd period and walked around talking a bit then like her guidence guy saw her and told her she hadda go to class :o( he gave her a pass however. Sooo yayyyy!

Sooo I'm offically out of FPC :D I went home and got really decked out. I thought I looked adorable wif muh hair in curls only this time I didn't put anything in it so they looked natural. Uhh.. went and got Kat from skool and we went to z beach. I missed the beach so much.. I haven't been there in so long. Kat and I stomped and popped the beached jelly fish, went under the pier and into flagler shops. She stole a mini turtle :D andddd we got macked on by lossa guys. Eeeew.

I wanted to hang out wif muh Sarah cakes but holy cream cheese was my mother being a bitch. She yelled at me for everything so I just didn't go back home. I felt like just crying the entire night, ugh. Well.. got into the middle of a fight between Eric and Germ-e. Not cool. Me, Kat and Brandon just went and got herb then got movies.

Underworld and the Saltened Sea.
Eh.. the Saltended Sea was a fucked up movie, I didn't much care for it.
Underworld was great as always :D
I wish I was a werewolf, how cool would that be? I'd like be all BAAAA nad transform and attack all my friends. Werewolves are so damn cool.

We fell asleep there, I was out fucking cold. I was so tried. Butttt I woke up really early in a panic realizing I had to get home so I left but eh, my car ran out of gas!
Hadda walk at least a mile in 45 degree weather.
Didn't wanna tell my mom
Called everyone I could for help
No one :(
So I told John and he of course told my mother and yeah I'm grounded for two days.
Blah.
I really fucking need some liquids in my body. I'm so thirsty right now.. I need my juice :(
SARAAAHHH GET ME JUICE AND SURPRISE ME BOUT IT!

7 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

Wee [06 Jan 2004|03:14am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Hardtimes, hardtimes.


I try to smile so the hurt won't show
Tell everybody I was glad to see you go
But the tears just won't go away
Loneliness found me, looks like it's here to stay
I know that I ought to find someone new
But all I found is myself always thinking of you

As long as the stars shine down from the heavens
As long as the rivers run to the sea
I'll never get over you getting over me

No matter what I do, each night's a lifetime to live through
I can't go on like this, I need your touch
You're the only one I'll ever love

Butterfly Kisses

[03 Jan 2004|11:07am]
[ mood | ditzy ]

WWOOoo
Wasn't planning on doing anything last night but at the last second I decided to call Eric and wee! I went over there.
Uhh I looked like a scum bag because I couldn't brush my hair after my shower so it was like.. crazzeeee looking

We smoked a bit, went to Wendys. Got all their left over food and I entertained strangers in the parking lot then like..
went back to Erics with a bunch of girls.

Got drunk, not like shit faced but enough to where I was just stumbling around uhhh.. I entertained more guests!
I love making people laugh XD!
Smoked soommeeooreeee
then we watched Finding Nemo!

Uhhh.. the girls left eventually.. thennnn like.. we watched the movie then went over to some girl nameddd Jens house.
There were like two other girls and boy.
They wanted to keep me :D I dunno who they were but they were a nice crowd. Sooo wee!

Didn't stay long however cause it was cold or something. I couldn't feel the weather so it was all the same to meh.
Went back tooo Erics and I crashed on z couch. Got up REALLY early and watched 8 crazy nights. Movie wasn't anything like people made it out to be. Bastards.

I went homeee and now I'm going shopping for a wedding dress!
Weeeeee wedding! Pretty shoes!
Maegan is so fly<3<3<3

Baaa.. my hangovers are always so relaxing with the awful burning sensation of vodka in my stomach wooshing around

5 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

My heart is half empty [02 Jan 2004|03:14am]
..and I sit in the corner
With 42 guns aimed at my head..
What next?
Surely by the end of this night I'll be dead.
So hush.
Leave me to my thoughts, if it were not for these guns,
The memories would kill me instead.

Ehh..
Kinda..
Feeling..
Low.

I'm taking a break. If anyone asks tell them I got hit by a roller coaster or something cool involving a bunch of gore. I wanna go out in style. I'll be back Monday.


Life just sucks,
I lost the one.
I'm giving up,
she found someone.
There's plenty more,
Girls are such a drag.
1 Suicide note along with Butterfly Kisses

Lush [26 Dec 2003|09:07pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I feel like locking me door, turning off my phone, shutting down my computer and curling into a tight little ball on my bed and staying like that for the next couple of days.
I hate my job, they over work me. I'm their little bitch and quite frankly I'm sick of it.
I hate not having money, lending 75% of your paycheck to your mother to keep getting procrastinated on being paid back is a bitch. I can't do shit without money.
I'm so fucking lonely :o( I can't even begin to explain that though. I feel like I'm destined to stay emotionless.
I fake a smile everyday, I turn and walk away from things that should just make me want to cry. I'm strong when I want to be weak :o(
I fucking hate how mindless relationships can be.
Silly boys thinking they're in love with me then getting pissed off saying I lead them on when in all actuality I hadn't had any sort of remote interest in them at all in the first place.
I've had my share of crushes this year but each and everyone have been short stories.
Baaa.. I'm sick of waiting for my never ending story :o(

This is Manda signing off

7 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

[25 Dec 2003|12:09pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Yessterday I picked up Ericness with Germ-Eye-AH, dropped Eric off then Germ-Eye-AH and I went off to shop for my Grandma! It wasss coo, we stole candy. Aww he's so cute lol Uhh.. I went to my grandmas an hour late, everyone had already ate dinner and unwrapped gifts so I was kinda the odd man out. I ate left over and opens muh gifts which were a shirt and white diamond perfume. Wee!

Went home, got Kat and went to Brandons house. She gave us our gifts whicccch I gots a carebears lunch box! :D!!! Aww, I love my Kat bert so effing much. Andddd yah, we hung out there for a while. Took Kat home and had the best stoner nap of my life.

She called though however late at night. I don't remember what I even said to her.. mrrr.. I need to work on turning my ringer off at night. People call me when I'm legally considered insane.

I MISS SARAH!!! SHE OWES ME A MOVIE!!! A BIG ONE!!! >:(
It's Christmas now!
Wee!
I slept in
My mom is home
John isn't
we aren't having christmas till 4 due to fucked up working schedules. Nice.
Ohhh well.


Leave sum love'ah!

11 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

Whatever [24 Dec 2003|02:47pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

maaannn
Last night I went to work, tried to get off early my manager said no but then all of a sudden told me to go home and to take Marcos with me? Errr alright, Bill. Ugh.

Sooo Ryan and I were gonna hang out, Marcos came a long. We went to Ryans work, he couldn't do anything but he hadda pick up sumfin at Steak n Shake sooo we go there. Met up with David and the two Mikes and woo.

We depart our ways and I ended up being with David and both Mikes wandering around looking for something to do.
We call up Emily then head over thereeeee.
It was alright, we hung out there for a bit.
I dunno, some tension brought my mood way down. Whatever though. It was alright.

I dropped everyone off but David who couldn't go home so he ended up sleeping over my house. We slept in, called off work today. Have to clean and shit then I'm taking Eric the Z to work... baa.. I still have to shop a bit. Dammit. I procrastinate too much. Ahh geez.

I'm mad >:(

5 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

[23 Dec 2003|01:44am]
[ mood | angry ]

I FUCKING HATE KATS MOM!!!
ugh.
Stupid cunt. Shes threatening to call like run away services if Kat leaves the house tonight. I hate her so much >:(


So yeah,
Tonight was funnn other than the fact that Kats moms a dumb bitch. I hung out wif Sarah Buhbay Cakes 'n Christina, Rocio, Raquel n Singling tonnigghhhhttt! :D!!! Aww, I had so much fun. We went to Walmart and Sarah and I sperated and went to z toys and movie isle and then we all migrated over to z horsies and rode themmm!! Only me, Sarah n Raquel did it tho cause eveyrone else had a machine phobia or sumfin.

Went to Britts house and like drove in circles around his house and flashed my lights off and on at his windows with muh music blarring and yea, he didn't come out >:( Uhh.. went to Robs. Hung out there untill he got home? lol and then I took everyone home. Uhhh wow I had a lot of fun tonight. Would have been cooler if I was able to hang out with Kat n Brandon tonight tho. Ugh,
STUPID BITCH!!!


love.

9 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

[21 Dec 2003|12:33pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

WEEEEHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!
I was innn paiinnn aLllLlLlLllllLLL yesterday from like something dealing with my bladder, I dunno. It hurt tho :o(
BAAAH!

I finally made plans to do sumfin at like.. 8. Which was to sneak Brandon out, get Kat and just.. hang out. I went to Maegans n Torfulnessie firssst tho for likeeee ann hourrr then went and gotz Brandon. I like had to sneak in under the garage door lol it was cool. We got some gas and cleaned my wind shield all

WORKING AT THE CARRWASSSHH WOO WOO WOO WORKING AT THE CAR WASSHH YEAH! Fwee!:D

Kat got kicked out so we got her and her stuff. Then like went to Tys house but no one was there and we kinda just.. left and got some Tussin and some of these weird.. cough and cold thingys for Kat. We were looking for a place to hang out because it was fucking cold outside but came up short. :( I wish I had a cell phone dammit.

Uhhh went to my brothers house.
It sucked. We had to act normal around them so it was a waste. Oh well.. I had fun tho. Greg L took Brandon home at like 2 and me and Kat slept there.

I took her over to Brandons though at like.. 11:30am
Shes gonna stay with him for now untill my house is free for her to stay at. Wee!

Brandon and Kat are like.. the perfect group of friends.
We all just.. hang out and nothing really matters.
None of us really care.
We live day by day and its fucking awesome.


Anddd tomorrow I'ma hang out wif Buhbay Sarah chicka baby cakes! :D!!
And now I'm out!

3 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

I FUCKING LOVE MY KAT BERT!! [19 Dec 2003|12:34pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I woke up at like 6:40 not giving aaaaa fuhhh on how I dressed up today so yeah, I looked shitty.

Nuuu one was in skool today! Cept muh lil Katbert <3 AND ROCIO! I was wondering why it was so cold out but then when I saw Rocio I was like all z hottness in the world has gone into that girls looks :D

KAT MADE MY DAY SPECIAL.
I LOVE HER SO MUCH THAT.. PENGUINS COULD VERY WELL EXPLODE.. FROM.. HOW MUCH I LOVE HER. YES.

Talked to z Maegan buhbay who misses skool the only day I decide to come! :( DAVIDS FUCKING GAY!!! FUCKING SKANK ASS NIGGER WHORE BITCH CUNT BASTARD FUCKING HELL YOU SHIT LICKER.
Fuck.



I love everyone else tho.

13 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

Craaap [12 Dec 2003|05:41pm]
[ mood | listless ]

Fuck it!
I'm not feeling hoppy but so what? I'm going to be happy even if I have to fake it :D!!

Soooo yaaah I'm all sitting here, listening to 80's music because my name is in it, uh huh! I think I'm going to start going by my middle name from now on? Maegan's made me be exceptionally fond of it. Sue. It's so simple. Wha do you think?

Hmmmmm.. Nothing really new as happened. I'm all cleaning my room so I can vanquish tonight. I APPARENTLY AM NOT INCLUDED IN ANY SORT OF PLANS WITH CHRISTINA BECAUSE I AM NOT ONE OF THE GIRLS >:( NO NO, I'M NEVER INVITED!! NEVER!! EVER!!! I DON'T CARE THO! I'LL JUST HAVE MY OWN PARTY. AND I'LL HAVE LITTLE RED BALLOONS AND IT WILL BE ONLY ME BUT I WON'T CARE BECAUSE I'LL STILL HAVE MY RED BALLOON. AND THEN CHRISTINA WILL COME OVER ALL HEY MANDA HOWS YOUR PARTY GOING? AND I'LL SMILE AND SAY GOOD AND THEN MY BALLOON WILL POP.. AND I'LL CRY. THAT'S ALL.

And tomorrow is SATURDAY!! Wee! Uhh.. plans are pending but if nothing works out I think I'll drive over to St. Auggy Doggy and.. just.. hang out there. I don't know. I want to spend the day somewhere else other than Palm Coast. Hmm

My head hurts. I miss Kat. Rocio is fun to talk to.
<3!!!

15 Suicide notes along with Butterfly Kisses

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